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LifeHouse Spa – I spa, you spa, we spa,
Who doesn’t like to spa? This place is near Clacton On Sea. I thought Clacton was a place of caravans and grannies. Maybe it is? I saw the county of Essex and got the fear of turning up at a spa and seeing blond supertanned supertoned Ken and Barbies. But that was not the case. First off everyone bar two spray tanners were normal. All shapes and sizes were present at that pool. Groups of women, couples, but no groups of men though. The pool was heated. The jets in the Jacuzzi could knock over a small child and probably do.
The grounds are gorgeous and serene. Everyone who works there are super friendly. The treatments are as you would expect from a spa and to a high standard. Now lets talk about the room. A King Size bed people. I don’t even think I requested it and I got it. What kind of lushness is that? And GHD’s in the room as standard? I mean where does that happen?
I was as happy as they were
Now lets talk about the food. This is no spa of a couple of bits of green beans over salmon. Oh no. You can have a 2 or three course dining menu that is better than a gastro pub. And the small choice of wines are excellent. It’s perfect turn up stressed. Have treatments and relax immediately, pig out and drink and indulge. Sleep in a King Size bed.
I went on a Bank Holiday and it was busy and I’ve got to say it wasn’t even that busy. I was so overwhelmed by spa choices but now I’ve Lifehoused I doubt I’d want to try anywhere else for a while. I can’t wait to get back there and drink Malbec.
Spaniards Inn – Hampstead, London.
Sometimes this pub can get a bit too busy for it’s own good, but that’s because it’s a great pub and everyone knows, find a great pub and find the worst kept secret. So if you want it when it’s buzzy then go in the summer and crash someones gigantic table outside in the huge garden, and join everyone else who is getting sloshed. If you want it a bit quieter than do what I just did and get there at midday on a Sunday and grab the last unreserved table. I was having a Roast Dinner in the Evening and did entertain the idea of ordering one from lunch and doing the double, but I didn’t I went for Gnocchi, and I’m so glad I did. I mean look at it. One of the best gnocchi’s I have ever had. Hand made, truffle cream with pea shoots and chestnut mushrooms. This deserves the biggest picture ever. 
Andina – Peruvian Food in East London
Picture taken from Opentable, where you can book a table should you want to. Or you can call the restaurant, they have a phone.
I don’t like raw fish. Andina is a Ceviche Bar. Just so you know what that is as I didn’t, it’s raw fish. My heart sank. It hadn’t been my choice to go for Peruvian, because frankly who would? Menu Menu Menu, my eyes then scanned to quinoa burger. Sad, so sad. But wait then Pig Butty – oh lunch only and I was there for dinner. I was glad their food was for suitable for coeliacs and locally sourced but how about some food that I could have? You can get a whole suckling pig, – if you order it five days before…
But wait there’s a pot at the end of the rainbow, because being on my best behaviour and also being hungry I just decided to go for it. Grilled steak skewers and chicken casseroles, all with weird, but cooked ingredients not previously mentioned and you know what? It was good. It was really good. The doughnuts for dessert made the meal just wish that there had been more choices.
The place has a good vibe. It’s busy, small seating, not posh nosh but street food. The service is really good and friendly but it’s not somewhere you would go and sit for a long time enjoying your food. I liked it, but if you like sushi you will probably like it more.
Bermuda
Paradise Views
Yes it really is as beautiful as any images you could have seen of it. It’s incredibly small and easy to get around. The beaches are stunning and the views breath taking. I flew in for a weekend and went to the beach and drank with the crowds. It is expensive as in city prices. And for someone like me who can’t sit on a beach for more than a few days, a weekend was perfect.
Manhattan Hotel Bars
No Diving unless you are a tadpole.
OK not the best photo but I had to take a sneaky photo of the pool on the roof top of Jimmy’s Bar in The James Hotel in Manhattan. It is the size of a pond and as shallow as a puddle so I’m glad they put the No Diving because you know. we were all wondering there for at least two seconds.
Now I’m a bit of a hotel bar slag. I love a good cocktail but, Manhattan your service and clientele are disappointing me. Jimmy’s bar had so many questions to get into the place from security I thought I was going through customs again. And surprise surprise, there weren’t that many people upstairs; and neither it seems was a waitress. Oh wait there was one but just not one for us. In fact I’m not sure who she served. One barman on and one man behind him with not much to do but shuffle lemons place to place and look at the floor with a face saying please don’t ask me anything. Getting a drink felt like an eternity
The seats outside by the pond are park benches. Yes the view is great. That is all that is. Google images make it look a lot better which is why I put my rank photo.
Taken from their site so it will look good
The Thomson hotel well that one was even worse. After looking nervously at a very vexed security guard to again get up stairs and feeling like you are dealing with a headmaster we got sent to the top floor only to be sent back down for half hour to the middle bar where the DJ, who did look amazing, decided she would like to play the music really loudly whilst attempting to ‘scratch’ the records. Painful to all involved. Again service pretty dismal.
We made it to the top and these seats are much comfier and the place more relaxed and chilled. Service was much better. However who you get to sit next to is roulette. You’d think if you wanted a private conversation you wouldn’t bother with others listening, but no. We got to listen in on a guy introducing his boyfriend to his very straight parents whilst the boyfriend said the classic line. It’s not just women who have a biological clock, I do too…. I almost spat my drink out at this point. After they moved we thought hurrah and then got the drunk couple making out. Fail….
Taken from their site and looks better than this
But there is a winner and no it may not have a rooftop but for great service and excellent cocktails and that’s the Crosby Street Hotel. We had someone come over and say they could make us anything we wanted. They put food on the table, they smiled without willing us to curl up and die. They genuinely wanted us there. Bar Staff and any Waitresses. Best cocktails, best atmosphere. Only moan is the bathroom is a mile away.And even though these bars are expensive, best priced. I had an espresso Martini. Delicious. I have been there about three times since. So nice to find a place where the staff don’t think they are more important then the customers.
Miami
After Vegas I headed to Miami to visit my friend. We headed out looking for a strong coffee called Cortadito, which I would say is like an espresso but called something else. We found a great little place in the middle of pretty much nowhere and got our fix. This is of course after having to order in Spanish something that should be so simple and yet both of us floundered with our arms helplessly flapping as we tried to ask for coffee.
I learnt Spanish for a year when I was sixteen, mainly because my boyfriend at the time was Spanish and I wanted to know what his mum was saying about me. All these years later and the simple task of ordering a coffee and all I could think of was how to order a beer and say where is the station? Useless. But they smiled politely and got us what we wanted after what seemed an eternity of lost in translation. I had let myself down, my family down and anyone else I could think of down.
We decided not to do South Beach but drive around looking for Street Art and we found plenty. I have nothing sarcastic to say about any of it. It just reminded me of how I got a B- for effort in art but D for the actual execution. I never quite worked out how to get what was inside my head into art but these people certainly had. I wonder if they draw it first as a sketch or can just do?
We had an amazing lunch at a place called Michael’s Food and Drink; it’s worth mentioning because apart from the tables being too close together, so much so we actually joined in the conversation with the people next to us, I think I had the best Chilli I had ever had. It was a food haven.
Miami behind me I flew for a rest to my family in Florida, on a jet plane. The propeller kind where there is only 20 seats. Now I know why it only cost sixty bucks. How the pilot and attendants do it constantly I don’t know. I felt like I was in the movie Knight and Day when Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz are the only people on the plane bar the bad guys. If only Tom Cruise had made an appearance perhaps all would have been well, but he wasn’t so I shit myself for the hour.
Las Vegas – Days 49 -52
Welcome to the money pit.
The first thing that hits is that New York To Vegas on a flight is a five and a half hour trip. I could almost me back in London by then. The flight was a lot of fun though. It was a real mixture of people but I enjoyed mainly listening to the guys behind me who were drunk trying to chat up the non interested girl sitting between them whilst randomly shouting out ‘Yeah! Vegas!’.
The guy next to me was irritating as he didn’t understand the meaning of personal space. His lanky arms were knocking me the whole time and I had to give him a look of ‘go to hell’ at which he apologised but continued all the same. I stared out the window and as the landscape of the everlasting desert hit my eyes I thought this is one place where there really is nowhere for miles and if we crash landed we would be truly screwed.
When we landed a couple of people clapped. Why on earth do people do that? It was a terrible bumpy landing that felt it was like the pilot’s first time. That or he had been on the Vegas juice himself. The comedians behind me commented loudly at the two passengers clapping ‘ worst landing ever.’
So off the Wynn hotel to meet my parents who are bigger party goers than me. Vegas was having a heat wave but who would have known that? Everyone was in, playing the computer games that take your money; my-self included. When I did win all of twenty bucks I felt terribly embarrassed as the noises of what is similar to a fire alarm went off. I’m terribly English and people are looking. Shush machine, shush. The volume was down from then on.
Hey Everyone come play me lots of love Dolly.
Walking past the nightclubs I did want to point out to some of the young ladies who weren’t hookers that maybe that dress really didn’t fit them. Go a size up – I wanted to say. It will flatter you more. Maybe actually four sizes up. What could I say though ? I spent most of my time eating in amazing restaurants and drinking for free at the machines.
I’ve been a few times to Vegas and so didn’t go to see the shows. I’d always recommend ‘O’ in the Bellagio as the best one. I joined the masses throwing money away in the name of fun but I guess that’s what we used to do as kids on arcades just perhaps on a larger scale.
Philadelphia and New York – Days 42 to 48
After recovering for a few days from Road Trip a friend and I took a long hot drive to Philadelphia because my favourite sandwich is a Philly Cheese Steak and why not have it in Philly? So he very kindly drove us the three hours – I had in my head it took an hour and a half. We stopped along the way where I was introduced to Cinnabon which has massive cakes that look like deep filled chicken pie. I couldn’t do it, I had to choose the cheese steak there was too much riding on it.
Two rivals opposite each other Pats and Genos. We went to the one with the bigger queue which was Pats. The pressure was on to make sure the order was correct. It seems there is an etiquette as to how to order and how to get it right. The sandwich did not disappoint and was demolished probably a bit too quickly. The kind of quick where you sit wondering just how loud your stomach can get digesting. Within half hour we were back on the road. Five hours of driving for a sandwich, crazy I know. But there wasn’t anything else to see in Philly on that baking hot day bar a wall with some street art so we left.
My favourite restaurant in Manhattan is Stanton Social on the lower East side. It’s a place that does Tapas style food and Beauty and Essex is the sister restaurant around the corner. They are a little bit up themselves in there unlike Stanton and so are the clientele. I don’t like it really if the person asking you if you would like a drink is looking at you like a bored soon to be ex.
I don’t know if it’s a one-off or standard but in the ladies bathroom separated in a changing area they give away free champagne. I delighted in taking this offering (tipping of course) and watching the look of amusement on my friends faces as they waited to get served and I swanned upstairs with a glass of bubbly. Why we didn’t just traipse up and down all night I do not know. The waitress wouldn’t have noticed.
Later in the week, I walked the Highline which apparently on, online dating is the equivalent of going to Borough Market in London, as in everyone does it. It’s alright; kind of cool to see the city from a height, but not that mind-blowing however to walk on some concrete at a height. If I had gone on a date there I would have been pissed right off.
But New York had to have a quick goodbye for a couple of weeks after that as I made the next journey to Vegas, Miami and Tampa Bay once more.
Day 40 -41 – Charleston, Myrtle Beach and Home
Best ribs in town.
Leaving Savannah was a sad moment. I had been caught up in the magic of it all. But road trip means just that, and we all have to make our way back to somewhere of significance at some point. As we checked out the hotel my roadster friend asked the lady at reception with the grey hair and glasses who looked like the grandma out of the Tom and Jerry cartoon.
‘I want ribs. I want a shack. I don’t want tourist. You know what I’m saying?’
‘Mmmmm Hmmm?’ Was her Southern accented answer. ‘You sure?’
‘Sure.’
And so we were given directions to Randy’s Bar B que. I had no idea what to expect even though he did and was even more surprised when we pulled up at a shack on the road that had two choices. Ribs or Chicken.
‘What’s good?’
‘Well we outta the chicken so it will have to be the ribs. And we outta the sides too.’ Said the screech behind the window.
So we went for medium ribs; medium for a giant maybe. And as we put them on the bonnet of the car in 90 degree heat and feasted, I thought – my lord these are the best ribs I have ever had in my life. Completely worth any food poisoning that may happen.
We drove on to Charlston, but I’ve got to admit the town did not raise my pulse. It looks beautiful but it feels soulless. We wondered around for a couple of hours and felt like we had been there for days. We trundled through a big market selling the usual crafts as over the top prices. I can’t stand markets. Seen a few, seen them all. We had a drink and walked back to the car. On the way, we came across a fountain with some children playing and stopped to read the rules. I’ve posted them below. I think it’s a sign of litigation going a bit too far in the States. It’s not like it was a deep swimming pool. But it pretty much summed up the town of beige cargo pant wearing men.
And so on to Myrtle beach to the Sheraton. I looked on Orbitz and got a price of 70 bucks. I rung the Sheraton and they wanted 140. Make sense of that if you can? I’m glad we only paid the seventy as when we turned up, not only did they charge extra for us to park the car in their car park but the place looked like it hadn’t been touched in a long time. I actually said as I went in, ‘ Hello 1982’ Talk about a plaster over things to cover up the falling apart. The staff smiled thinly but each looked like they had lost the will to live.
But we were tired and had a twelve hour journey back the next day. So went to the beach to play with the night sky app on the iphone. It tells you what the stars are in the sky. Well it could be making it up but it seems impressive. The beach is nice but it looks like a beach that could be anywhere in the world with rows of condominiums. The time was cut short by some morons with a laser light in one of the condos thinking it was hilarious to point it at us on the beach for at least half hour. And from the laughter I don’t think they were younger than eighteen, which I think we can all agree is a shame for them.
The drive back the next day was brutal but broken up with the delight of an $8 all you can eat buffet which did not suck in the slightest. It had fresh catfish any way you wanted it. I completely pigged out and on we drove back to New York, making it past the delirium and home safe. I salute my partner for doing the entire drive and not moaning once, probably more likely because he didn’t trust my driving. It was a journey where we really wanted to keep on driving but work called and so the chapter closed but it will stay dear in my heart as first and best proper road trip ever.
Savannah Georgia Day 39
cost you nuthin
So Day 39 was spent hung-over at first but what better way to get over it then eat some of Paula Dean’s fried chicken. I had never come across Paula Dean before but she is definitely all over Savannah. You can even choose to do a 3 hour Paula Dean tour. You don’t get to meet her and apart from being charged a fortune to wander around aimlessly and eat in the restaurant for half hour I’m not sure what it consists of. What I do know is I couldn’t stop saying Hey y’all it’s Paula Dean for the rest of the day.
After Fried Paula Chicken we went on the normal trolley tour around Savannah and it’s pretty good actually. Worth the cash to sit for a couple of hours and be told the local folklore. My favourite story was that pineapples would be left on the mantelpiece of any guests rooms and if the host removed the pineapple this was a signal to the guest that they had outstayed their welcome and it was time to pack up and leave. No words exchanged. Strange but apparently effective.
Hey y’all! It’s Paula Dean!
We then decided since everyone was going on about Tybee beach to go there and as soon as we got there and paid for parking we wished we hadn’t. It’s a bit rubbish really or you feel like you are sitting on rubbish. It’s not the nicest beach in the world, nor is it the worst. It’s just a bit of a non beach. So we amused ourselves by playing the game Would You Rather much to the distaste of the families walking by. I don’t blame them, it’s a filthy game.
Apple Crumble Moonshine
We then ate some fresh seafood and went back to Savannah trying to work out how we could live there for a month and not pay double rent. It draws you in and it’s strange because it seems so sleepy but you don’t want to leave. We ended up sitting through the night on a bench staring at the massive boats that were docked and gleaming like new and talking crap. Me drinking wine out of a mug, he drinking whiskey out the jar. I even tried some apple crumble moonshine which is deliciously dangerous. The only disturbance was Governor Tony a local bum making me some stuff out of blades which I really didn’t want. I was more impressed that he looked like he was straight out of the TV show The Wire and would have given him something for that but my road trip friend was having none of feeding the habit and sent him on his way. Savannah though is a magical place and you don’t come across it often. It was one of those places that we knew we didn’t want to leave so we stayed up talking as long as we could and wished time could have stood still for longer than it did.
worldwideattitude 